Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Res Balls

Rhodes balls were an exciting opportunity to dress up, see all the other bright young things, and get shit-faced in formal clothes. 

Free Stuff
Complimentary Winston cigarettes on every table ( the Surgeon General’s Warning was years away), free Overmeer box wine, which was somewhere up the food chain from ZimSoc wine, which would have you stripping paint if you licked a wall. Overmeer was drunk by crusty art students at Grey Dam, which is all you need to know about it, really.

Overmeer Nemisis
Lee, for some misguided reason in the skewed hamster wheel of her female mind, was passingly keen on me on me in first year. She invited me to the Drostdy Hall Ball. I liked her, but not in that way, but dutifully I arrived at her Res on the night to escort her. Lee came down, looking winsome in a satin blue dress. We arrived and sat down in the Great Hall, which was done up in some ham-fisted Andrew Lloyd-one-thought-of-him-and-instant-erectile-dysfunction-Webber theme. We chit chatted enjoyably for some time. As I’d blown my week’s allowance on cigarettes and Kaif burgers, I got stuck into the free box wine. Some time passed, then… I remember nothing. 

Darkness and Polaroids 
All went black. I must have left the ball early, as I have one or two blurry mental polaroids of evidence from the rest of the evening. Exhibit A: A shifting forest of peoples’ legs. Exhibit B: Looking down and seeing my feet lurching down the centre line of a tarred road. Exhibit C: Stairs and a few sickening thuds. Exhibit D: more blackness.

Take This Cup from Me Lord
I woke up in my clothes, opened my eyelids with a screech like peeling flypaper, and prayed to the God that delivered the Isrealites from Egypt, and comforted Daniel in the lions’ den, to take this anvil of a hangover from me.

Anne Frank
”Lee’s going to fucking kill me!” was my first gibbering, terrified thought. So, like a man, I hid in my res room. My neighbour, Sausage, slid slices of res hall bread under my door from time to time. This furtive Anne Frank existence went on for some days. Until Lee came and found me.

“Get Out of Jail Free” Card
“Tim, about the ball…” She said. “Yes….?” I squeaked in terror, from under my duvet. “I hope you had a good time” she sighed. She went on, “I’m, so so sorry, but I had to leave at by nine. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but I was really drunk. Kate took me home.” “Uh….huh…?” I said, peeking out from my duvet, like a prairie dog peering out from a man-hole. “Yeah. You looked okay when I left though.” She admitted. “You and Richard were playing coinage with the box wine, as I recall.” She blushed, and turned to leave. I sat up perplexed, scratched my head, and stared at the door as she closed it behind her. 


Jeannie said...

Oh boy, this made me laugh! My memories of balls are pretty similar. That is, rather patchy due to too much alcohol. Urgh.

tam said...

Haha. I remember a similarly bad run-in with a box of overmeer, stolen from an English department cheese and wine to honour Don Maclennan. I was lucky to have a sister to rescue me, those years.

Did your hall always have that peppermint pudding whenver there was a ball? Or was that just for the Graham and PA folks?

Jeannie said...

I'm pretty sure Hobson had the peppermint pudding too... my memory isn't quite up to Tim standards! I do remember that my only experience of what I'm sure was alcohol poisoning was with Overmeer red wine! I had an open box left over from some party and in a fit of pique that no-one would go out partying with me (I'd finished exams, they hadn't) I got it out of the cupboard and had a couple of glasses on my own. The result was three days of throwing up and raging headaches, not to mention a severe ticking off from friends for drinking alone... Tim, you should start off a thread dealing with drinking stories, and injuries received. Just please make it anonymous!

Miranda said...

Tam, really? I rescued you?? I only remember the "Don't you have any pride?" episode!!

Damn, I was never in res and missed the peppermint pudding. Can't decide if it sounds yum or yuck

Yet another gem, Tim